A Writer's Happiness

Looking back to find the person who will be happy with today's "you," plus taking the plunge and a coaching discount

Jan 03, 2024

A New Year Coaching Offer, First:

New Year is a great time to commit to your writing project! This year I’ll have a book launch in May (woo-hoo!) so it benefits me to get new 2024 clients slotted evenly before and after that launch window. If you’re ready to commit to a full manuscript developmental edit or three months of monthly coaching arranged in advance, you can receive a 10% discount by signing up before Jan 10. Services are selective. Spaces are limited. Read more here and email me if you have questions.

Plunging Together.

Did you do anything interesting for New Year’s? I’m the contrary type. I often feel pressured to celebrate and sorta don’t want to, and sorta do. On New Year’s morning, I made the swift decision to join our local Polar Bear plunge. In the past, Brian and I have talked about this and we both agreed we didn’t want to feel pressure to dive into icy ocean water just because there was a group gathered. We prefer to do stupid things all by ourselves, privately!

Me, hiding away from most forms of communal ritual.

But on New Year’s morning, just minutes after waking up, I decided that enough was enough. It was time to do something communally festive. (Groan.) Without overthinking it, we slurped down some coffee, suited up, drove to a beach five minutes from our house, and joined about forty other participants nervously chatting and waiting for the klaxon to sound. When it did, we all plunged! I felt immediately refreshed. And I couldn’t believe how much easier it was to run into the freezing water surrounded by other people whooping and running and dunking. It was ridiculously easy!

Now, my brain likes to take dark turns, and the first takeaway that comes to mind is “This is how mobs form.” Ha! (Peer pressure is so powerful.)

But the more optimistic takeaway—the reason I’m bothering to share this with you—is that hard things are always easier when you have someone else sharing the journey.

That writing group that forces you to hand in pages each month—so helpful! That accountability partner who expects an email from you each week, reporting whether you wrote or not—so useful!

If you’re doing something hard and doing it alone, try to get some other people gathered around you—people who are willing to jump, or at least watch you jump. It makes getting started and staying committed so much easier.

End of New Year’s Day epiphany.

Let’s Talk Happiness.

With the New Year underway, you may be burned out on resolutions or charging ahead with all those new goals you’ve set. Either way, you may be wondering, “Can’t I just be happy?”

Chasing happiness is usually a futile endeavor, experts tend to agree, especially when one is trying to find happiness as the result of some future event or external reward. But can one find happiness in other ways, by shifting one’s perspective and better appreciating one’s present-day situation?

In a recent online conversation I had with author Angie Kim (video and audio available), she introduced the concept of carefully setting your happiness baseline—the point from which you are judging your satisfaction or happiness today. Anticipating the September publication of her second novel, Happiness Falls (which became an instant NYT bestseller), she tries to remember herself as if today were several years ago when she was simply wishing she could finish the book. That self, looking at the printed book today, even before it garnered rave reviews and selection as a Good Morning America title, was the self that could feel real joy for all the purest reasons, none of which have to do with sales or promotion.

An even earlier self, the Angie Kim who only just discovered writing in her early forties (!!!), would be even more astounded and excited to see her first two novels in print.

This is such a smart and useful insight. It’s one of many in Happiness Falls, a missing persons story about a Korean-American family that also encompasses topics ranging from the challenges of communicating with a disability to linguistics and philosophy.

And now, my chance—and yours—to play the “pick your baseline” game.

About six years ago, having relocated to Canada after living abroad (Taiwan, Mexico) for several years, I was feeling both isolated as a writer and unsure that the publishing world would continue to make space for me and my ideas.

Thinking back to that 2017 self, I would have been over the moon to know that in six years, I’d have a new agent, another book published (Annie and the Wolves) and another on the way (The Deepest Lake), plus lots of other fun projects simmering.

I would have been thrilled to know that through coaching and social media, I would get to know dozens of new writer friends, including clients who bring me joy by allowing me to participate in helping bring their projects to fruition.

And of course, six years ago I would have been incredibly tickled knowing that someday soon I would get to interview a cool writer named Angie Kim, on some newfangled thing called Zoom, thanks to a newsletter on some newfangled platform called Substack, co-founded with yet another new author friend, Caitlin Wahrer.

Years ago, there was no way to anticipate all the good things coming my way or to judge which would be the keys to making me happy. I probably would have over-weighted the importance of publishing new books and under-rated the importance of new relationships and experiences, like doing research, which is always fun for me—especially when I discover new and surprising things that change the way I see the world. I definitely would have over-weighted the significance of external rewards like sales figures or reviews. (I care a lot about reviews when they appear but I completely forget them—even the really good ones—after a few years.)

In any case, I’m grateful for all of it, and that gratitude is easier to tap into when I coax myself back into my 2017 shoes.

And so, Kim would remind us, if you’re not feeling completely thrilled with where you are now, look back. Remember the time when you couldn’t imagine the big steps you’ve taken.

Maybe you’re in the messy middle of a book manuscript, a place you longed to be when you wrote that first chapter. Maybe you’ve only started writing a book—something you promised yourself you would do for years! Maybe you’ve dedicated yourself to reading more, taking classes, attending a conference or retreat for the first time, or making some kind of new commitment to weekly writing. Think about how proud the “you” of 2017 or 2014 or 2000 (!) would be seeing the “you” of 2024 still moving toward your goals, discovering new books and ideas and friends along the way, taking new risks, learning all the time.

I’d love to hear your baseline “happiness” thoughts—or your resolutions for 2024!